Losing It All

Sitting here writing this post I have no idea what I am doing or why. Let me begin at the beginning I guess. I am losing my home. There I said it’s not because of anything I did. For the last twenty years I have rented from the same landlord. 

She is getting older and would like her son to live closer. So he’s selling his house and moving to mine. The problem is the hunt for a new house has left me stressed, heartbroken, and so many other emotions. 

I have questioned if god was there or not. If he was angry with me or not. I prayed a lot, made a lot of vows and spent more time and money looking for a place. I should say I live in a small town so finding something in my budget has been one of the hardest experiences of my life.

More than once in the last month or so I have been sure I was having a heart attack. At one point after weighing the cost of a hotel for a month I was looking at a month or three in a tent at a campground. I felt it beat going to a homeless shelter. 

In the end I found a home that would be ready at the beginning of November and my current landlord allowed me to stay another month. 

Thankful doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. I knew I needed to begin working on the bow I made to god. I vowed that I would become a better woman of god if a house came along. 

A house came and everything about it was different than what I was used to. The new house when it is ready is 850 square feet. It is much smaller than I am used to and there are three of us. My mother and her brother. So we are heading into a new way of life and for some reason I thought I would share that. 

I know the reason, let me take that back. I am sharing it so there is a record of it. I am trying to gain followers and build a brand. Not really. I mean yes I have a brand so to speak but I’m doing this for myself and those who are where I am in life.

I’m 49 years old, never married, never had children, no longer able to drive, pretty miserable woman. I have a chronic illness and well the list could go on and on. I have spent my entire life taking care of others. I worked for many years but mostly have been a caregiver. 

Soon I will be living in town having never done or gone anywhere. That’s not true I have gone places but for the last year or so I have felt stuck. So I am going to become unstuck.